Settled
by LE McMurray
Summary: Kiara's past may just destroy her and Rodney's new found happiness. Sequel to Adjustment


Author's Notes:-Thanks to Stonedtoad for betaing.

I'm glad people are enjoying the Kiara stories, I really enjoy writing for her and I am working on a sequel.

Enjoy

* * *

Rodney sighed in relief as they exited the Stargate; they'd spent three nights on the planet and he was looking forward to a nice hot shower and a good night's sleep. Sergeant Hood who was in charge of the night shift nodded to them as they staggered from the control room heading to the infirmary.

"Welcome home," Dr McMahon smiled as they entered the infirmary, she motioned them all to beds, "I'll get this over with as fast as possible."

"Great," Sheppard yawned rubbing his eyes; all four staggered to a separate bed where they dropped down exhausted.

Rodney felt his eyes drifting shut throughout the entire medical but forced himself to stay awake wanting to sleep in his own bed tonight. He started wondering when he'd began thinking of Atlantis as home and the bunk in his quarters as his own bed. Finally Dr McMahon let them leave and they separated to head to their own rooms with only the barest of goodnights mumbled. Rodney opened the door loving that it shut automatically behind him and just shed his clothes leaving them discarded in a trail as he headed to the shower.

Stepping into the warm stream he sighed as he scrubbed away all the dirt he'd collected over the past few days. Finally he turned off the water and dried himself pulling on his usual sleeping attire before climbing into bed.

"Hey," Kiara murmured turning to him, "Just back?"

"More or less," he replied gently stroking her cheek, "I didn't expect you to be here."

"I thought you might have missed me," Kiara snuggled closer drifting back off to sleep.

"Yeah, I did," he replied pulling her closer surrendering to his own exhaustion.

x

Rodney sighed as he woke up comfortable and warm for the first time in days not to mention ecstatic to see the woman who was in his arms. It was now about two months since Atlantis had become Kiara's home and they had started a proper relationship. She had recently started working with Captain Walters's team and was enjoying doing something different from her Enforcer's duties.

"Don't you have a meeting?" she murmured turning and snuggling into his shoulder.

Rodney groaned, "I know but hopefully I can stay here for a little longer."

Kiara turned and glanced at the clock leaning up and kissing him, "I can't. I have to go get some breakfast then I have to train."

"Just stay," he sighed holding onto her.

"McKay, I have to go," Kiara told him, "I'll see you for lunch unless you can't pull yourself away from your toys."

As she kissed him Kiara tried to move but he held onto her making her laugh.

"Don't make me hurt you McKay," she threatened with a grin, managing to get away from him.

Rodney leaned back watching her as she dressed before she leaned over and kissed him again, "See you later."

Rodney groaned but smiled as she left the room before closing his eyes again hoping to catch another few hours sleep.

x

"Show me that again," Kiara asked Teyla as they compared fighting styles in the gym.

"This way," Teyla showed her before frowning, "The way you moved to block it was unusual."

"My sister used an interesting technique when fighting I'm used to blocking that," Kiara explained, "Let's go again."

The two women stood apart from each other, and both silently counting before Teyla moved. Kiara countered her attack before attacking herself. Neither spotted the two men standing nearby watching them. They both winced as Kiara managed to toss Teyla over her shoulder onto the mat; the Athosian woman simply rolled back up and started a new attack.

Sheppard turned to Rodney, "You sleep with her?"

"Jealous?" Rodney grinned, turning to him.

Sheppard winced as Kiara hit Teyla hard, "Pitying you more like."

Teyla countered the attack and Kiara was thrown across the room crashing into them.

"What are you two doing here?" Kiara demanded looking down on her lover as he lay beneath her.

"We came to see if you both want lunch," Sheppard spoke for both men helping Kiara to her feet, "But if you don't feel like it?"

"Lunch would be nice," Teyla replied for them both helping Rodney to his feet before she and Kiara headed out of the door. She turned back to the two men, "Are you coming?"  
Sheppard and Rodney frowned at each other before catching up with their lunch dates.

* * *

"You wanted to see me?" Kiara asked as she entered the control room Rodney walking with her.

"You have a call," Elizabeth told her before nodding to Grodin, "She's here."

"Hello Kiara," a familiar voice came over the radio making Kiara smile.

"Commandant Sidon," Kiara grinned, "It's good to hear from you."

"Likewise Kiara," Sidon replied his smile evident in his voice, "I however do have a reason for calling other than finding out if Dr Weir has had enough of you yet."

A snort of amusement came from Rodney and Kiara whacked his arm, "She doesn't appear to have any complaints."

"The reason I'm calling," Sidon continued, "Is that your parents have been asking about you."

Kiara stiffened and she felt Rodney take her hand, "What did you tell them?"

"That you're doing some undercover work," he replied, "You need to come and see them."

"They made it very clear to me the last time I spoke to them that they blamed me for Letje's death," Kiara snapped, "I do not need to go back and be made to feel even more guilty for something I feel guilty for already."

Rodney wanted to reach out and hold her but he couldn't do that in front of so many people, he hadn't reached that level instead he tugged her hand, "Maybe you'll feel better if you go see them," he suggested receiving a dark glare from her.

"McKay, I am never talking to those people again," she declared.

x

"Welcome home," Sidon greeted them as they exited the event horizon.

"Yeah yeah," Kiara muttered as she walked with Rodney, Teyla, Shepard and Ford behind them. She relented and allowed her Mentor to hug her still not happy about being here however Rodney had talked her into it. How he'd done it she had no idea but one minute they were talking in his lab and the next she was getting ready to head through the Gate.

"Where are they?" Kiara asked wanting to get this over with as fast as possible.

"At home," Sidon replied calmly used to her impatient nature, "Where else would they be?"

Kiara nodded before turning to the others, "I doubt they'll be happy to see you guys tagging along."

"I'm more than happy to show Major Sheppard and his team our training facility until you get back," Sidon offered.

"That'll be great," Sheppard grinned.

"Actually," Kiara interrupted, "McKay, would you come with me?"

A little shocked that she was asking he looked into her eyes seeing the fear in there that he'd seen only a few times, Rodney nodded softly.

x

Kiara was pacing as they were transported to her hometown.

"You're going to wear a hole in the floor," Rodney noted worried about how she'd suddenly headed into the realms of insanity, "What's wrong?"

Kiara turned to him wondering why he was so different around her to the way he was with other people. With her Rodney was the sweetest, kindest, most considerate man she'd ever met, his shell came up around everyone else. She sat beside him resting her head against his shoulder, "My parents adored Letje, she was their first child even if I was only a few minutes younger. When I told them what had happened they went ballistic and well apparently I wasn't their child any longer."

His hand came up to gently cup her cheek, "I know how it feels for your parents to treat you like a second class citizen."

"They wouldn't believe when I told them what Letje had become and it became more and more tiring being around them," Kiara started pacing again. Rodney stood up and moved into her path catching her wrapping his arms around her waist while she buried her face against his neck.

"What do you want me to call you?" she asked looking into his eyes, "Cause they will ask who you are?"

"How about just a friend?" Rodney told her.

Kiara looked at him, "Not boyfriend? That's was how Sheppard described you."

"What does it matter what you call me?" Rodney asked, "They don't need to know."

Kiara stared at him, "Thank you for coming with me."

"I wouldn't let you go through this alone," Rodney smiled as she kissed him.

Feeling the transport stop she pulled back from him and grimaced, "We're here."

* * *

Sheppard stood watching the young cadets as they went through their hand to hand fighting drills. Teyla was talking with the instructor while Ford was talking to some of the students.

"Is everything alright Major?" Sidon asked.

"Just wondering what kind of trouble McKay and Kiara can get into while we're here," Sheppard answered, "She didn't seem happy about coming here."

"I must admit I was surprised by her sudden change of heart," Sidon told him, "I assume someone managed to talk her round."

"McKay did," Sheppard laughed, "Though it involved one hell of a shouting match."

Sidon smiled amused, "How are things going there?"

"Let's just say they're interesting," Sheppard shrugged, "Still I doubt there's anything that could break them apart."

x

Rodney could feel Kiara squeezing his hand tighter as they came closer to her parents' home.

"You know I do need my hand in tact," he murmured to her.

"Sorry," she whispered relaxing her grip, "I'm just a little nervous. Just stick by me okay?"

Rodney kissed her forehead, "Don't worry."

Taking one more deep breath Kiara opened the door and walked in. As they walked through the hall a woman appeared, she was smaller than both of them with dark hair and blue eyes.

"Kiara," she greeted her, "Sidon got our message to you then."

"Yes mother," Kiara released Rodney's hand crossing her arms defensively, "I was surprised considering the last time I saw you I was no longer your daughter."

"Kiara," a man appeared, "That's enough."

Rodney watched her eyes darken.

"Really Father?" sarcasm flitted through Kiara's voice, "Why did you want to see me?"

Her father frowned his eyes resting on Rodney, "Who's this?"

"My lover," Kiara replied angrily making Rodney wince as both her parents stared first at him then her.

"Well the surprise we have for you is going to be double," her mother murmured, "Come with us."

Rodney held back as they started to move.

"What?" Kiara asked.

"Maybe I should stay here," he told her, "It looks like you have some issues best discussed without outsiders."

"Don't you dare abandon me," she snapped at him, "I wouldn't be here if you hadn't talked me into it."

"I'm not good with families," Rodney told her.

"McKay I will seriously harm you if you don't get your ass in there," Kiara's eyes flashed angrily.

He sighed in defeat, "Fine."

x

Rodney started reciting the periodic table to himself as he sat with Kiara's parents and Kiara waiting for the explosion. He knew her temper well by now, she was almost a stereotypical redhead when she got angry and wished he had stayed with the others allowing her to come by herself but her plea for him to join her meant he crumbled. He loved her and would do anything for her which unfortunately she knew and would take advantage of.

"Kiara," her mother said softly, "I know this will be a shock to you."

"What will?" suspicion filled Kiara's voice.

"Me," a man said from behind them.

Rodney saw Kiara freeze shock filling her eyes and she turned to the man standing there.

"Tay?"

Rodney felt his heart start to break knowing this was the end. Kiara and Tay had been engaged, she loved Tay long before she'd met him and Rodney knew that he would be left behind. Rodney studied the other man as Kiara stood and stared at him. He was tall, well-built, good-looking and Rodney felt even more uncomfortable than before.

"Oh I missed you," Tay pulled Kiara into a tight hug; "You are as beautiful as always."

"H…H…How?" Kiara managed to stutter.

"That doesn't matter," Tay told her, "Not just now."

Not able to watch any longer Rodney left the room heading back outside to the transport hoping to get back to the Stargate as fast as possible.

"McKay," Kiara called appearing behind him, "Where are you going?"

Taking a deep breath he turned to her, "I thought you'd want some time alone with…him."

Kiara frowned not sure what to say, "You don't understand."

"No I do," he replied, "I should head back so we can get back to Atlantis."

"What about me?" Kiara asked.

"I just assumed you'd be sticking around here," Rodney told her, "You've got a lot to work out. I understand."

"McKay," she whispered.

Rodney gently kissed her knowing this had to be goodbye, "I should go."

Before she could reply he entered the transport leaving her standing.

"Keep your cool," he murmured to himself, "You've done this before and this is no different than any of the others. Just don't show anyone what you feel, don't let anyone know."

As he continued to mutter to himself Rodney missed the man who entered the transport car with him. All he felt was pressure against his mouth and nose before he slipped into darkness.

x

Kiara watched the transport leave with Rodney wondering what the hell was happening, turning she found Tay standing there waiting for her. Her brain finally managed to kick in after her shock.

"You're dead," she stated sharply.

"Obviously not," Tay replied, "Honey aren't you overreacting a little. I thought you'd be pleased to see me."

"Don't get me wrong Tay I'm glad you're alive but why now?" Kiara demanded, "Why have you suddenly found your way back now?"

"That doesn't matter just now," Tay gently touched her cheek, "All that matters is that we're together," he moved closer and kissed her.

"I can't," Kiara pulled back, "I'm with someone else."

"You have to be kidding me?" Tay snapped, "What about all we had together?"

"You've been dead for years," Kiara yelled frustrated and confused, "What did you think I was going to do? Fall into your arms like the past few years hadn't happened? That isn't going to happen."

"Kiara…"

"I have to leave Tay. I can't do this," she sighed returning to the house to bid her parents goodbye before returning to Atlantis.

* * *

Sheppard looked up a little shocked to see Rodney walking over to him alone, "Where's Kiara?"

"Probably with her fiancé," Rodney replied, "Can we leave now?"

Before he could ask Rodney headed over to the Stargate and started dialling. Teyla came over to him.

"Where is Kiara?" she asked.

Sheppard frowned, "I have no idea and what he just told me made no sense."

"This is Kiara's home," Teyla reminded him, "We can leave her here."

"I suppose we should go since McKay has the Gate open," Sheppard sighed, "Sidon, tell Kiara we'll see her when she's ready to come back."

"Of course," Sidon nodded, "It was good to see you again."

"You too," Sheppard replied.

"Major are we going?" Rodney yelled making Sheppard grimace.

"We'll see you again," Shepard turned and marched to the wormhole wondering what the hell was wrong with the scientist.

x

"Major?" Elizabeth asked when Rodney stormed out of the control room, "What happened and where's Kiara?"

"That is something I'm not sure about," Sheppard replied, "On either counts."

"What?" Elizabeth asked.

"He said she was with her fiancé," Sheppard frowned, "And then proceeded to dial the Gate."

"Fiancé?" Elizabeth looked confused jumping as the Gate started to dial again.

"It's Kiara's signal," Grodin called.

"Let her in," Elizabeth ordered standing waiting for the young woman.

As soon as Kiara stepped through she turned to them, "Where is he?"

"He went that way," Sheppard replied, they watched her storm away after Rodney before they looked back at each other, "What's the bet?"

"That we pull everyone back from the labs to be safe from the explosion," Elizabeth noted, "Come on. You've still to see Dr Beckett."

They headed away from the Gate wondering what was going to go from here.

x

Kiara was getting worried, she couldn't find him and she had searched every single one of his usual hiding places. She understood why he'd been hurt and upset by Tay's reappearance but she wanted to explain to him that nothing had changed between them.

"Aidan," she called when she saw Ford wandering towards the mess, "Have you seen McKay?"

"Not since we got back," he shrugged, "Have you checked the east pier. I've seen him wandering there every so often."

"Thanks," Kiara gave him a slight smile before heading off to continue her hunt.

She arrived at the pier and sighed disappointed to find that it was empty. Annoyed she dropped to sit and stared out across the water wondering where Rodney was hiding. She needed to talk to him, she needed to.

x

Rodney kept walking not quite sure where he was going all he knew was that he'd lost her.

'_Why would you think someone like her would be interested in you_?' that horrible inner voice goaded, '_She was beautiful and more than you deserved_.'

Rubbing his temples Rodney tried to get rid of that, desperately trying to outrun his own feelings of inadequacy. He'd always known he didn't deserve someone like her; he didn't deserve anything wonderful in his life.

'_She was far too good for you_,' the voice continued, '_She belongs with the man she's loved for years_.'

Suddenly his head was filled with a blinding pain and Rodney fell to his knees.

'_You deserve nothing good in your life_,' the voice continued, '_The only thing you deserve is to die_.'

"The only thing I deserve is to die," he murmured before he passed out completely.

* * *

"Rodney?" Carson saw the man lying on the ground instantly recognising his friend and he fell down to his knees to check on him, "Damn what have you done to yourself this time."

Pressing his fingers to check Rodney's pulse Carson was relieved to find it strong and steady.

"This is Dr Beckett," he called over his radio, "I need a medical team now."

The man unconscious on the floor groaned.

"Rodney," Carson called to him, "Rodney."

"Don't deserve to live," Rodney murmured, "Don't deserve anything."

"Rodney, can you tell me what happened?" Carson asked but the scientist kept murmuring the same sentence over and over.

The medical team arrived along with Elizabeth and Sheppard.

"What happened?" Elizabeth demanded.

"I'm not sure Dr Weir I found him like this," Carson replied as he motioned the team, "Okay let's go."

Carson led the team through the corridors aware that the other two were following. As soon as they entered the infirmary Carson had Rodney moved to a bed and started working.

"I think one of you better find Kiara," he told Elizabeth.

x

Kiara was pacing.

She was unable to deal with this, she couldn't deal with it. She had loved Tay so much that his death, his supposed death at Letje's hands had nearly destroyed her then became what kept her chasing her sister. Then she met Rodney McKay.

She'd helped him just to stop Letje, nothing else but somehow he'd ended up in her heart. She didn't fall for him in an instant, in fact he bugged the hell out of her but as they spent more time together she started to see another side of him that he rarely showed. Closing her eyes she remembered the terror she felt when the blade had plunged into her stomach and the relief that he would be holding her as she died.

Their 'romance' had been swift compared to the culture she had come from but she hadn't wanted to lose the opportunity to have him in her life.

"Kiara?" she heard Ford call just before he came skidding out onto the balcony breathing in relief to see her there, "Kiara, McKay's in the infirmary."

"What?" fear filled her voice, "What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know," Ford replied, "Come on."

Terror slid along her spine and she sprinted through the corridors Ford at her side.

x

Carson turned from the bed where Rodney lay sleeping to face Elizabeth and Sheppard who were hovering around waiting. Before he could say anything Kiara came flying in worry covering her face.

"What happened?" she asked desperately.

"I'm not sure," Carson explained, "I found him unconscious. He appears to be sleeping just now and I won't know anything until my tests results. So I suggest everyone go and get something to eat and I'll call when I know more."

"Of course Doctor," Elizabeth nodded before she and Sheppard left while Kiara continued to hover.

"Kiara," Carson said gently, "Why don't you sit with him for a while. I'm sure your voice will be helpful."

Kiara dropped her eyes, "Thanks."

Carson frowned he'd never seen Kiara seem so unsure but he pulled her over a seat and left her as she took Rodney's hand gently stroking his hair.

"Carson?" he heard her call to him.

He turned back to find her gently probing just behind Rodney's ear, "What have you found?" he gently touched where she showed him, "What the bloody hell is that?"

Kiara turned to him her eyes filling with tears hopelessness covering her face, "It's what's going to kill him."

x

"Kiara, what exactly is it?" Elizabeth asked, they were sitting in the briefing room with Sheppard, Ford, Teyla and Carson.

"It doesn't have an actual name," Kiara explained her voice was quiet as she seemed to be shrinking into herself, "It's a…how do I explain it…like a microchip?" she checked with Carson who nodded, "It's attached to his brain and it plays on the victims insecurities driving them to suicide."

"Can it be removed?" Sheppard asked.

Kiara shook her head sadly, "Any attempt to remove it will make it self-destruct. It's been used as an assassination tool."

"There has to be someway to help him?" Elizabeth cried, "I won't accept that we can't do anything."

"I've seen this happen Elizabeth," Kiara's voice was barely audible, "And I have a good idea what it will use against him, we're going to lose him."

Everyone stared at the table processing this.

"How did this happen?" Elizabeth snapped suddenly turning to the team, "When could this have happened?"

"It's my fault," Kiara whispered, "I let him out of my sight and it's going to kill him."

Without another word she fled the room.

* * *

He blinked at the bright light that hit him when he opened his eyes, he didn't want to be here, he didn't deserve to be looked after.

Yanking out the IV and removing the equipment Rodney staggered to his feet, he had to get away from them. They'd try to stop him doing what he had to do, they'd pretend and he couldn't take it. He staggered along the corridors he didn't deserve to live; he needed to find a way to end it all a way where no one would be able to stop him.

x

Teyla walked through the corridors of Atlantis looking to see if she could find Kiara worried about how the woman had disappeared after the revelation that Rodney McKay would die soon.

Entering the gym she found Kiara hitting the punch bag, she was methodically kicking then punching before she suddenly slid to the ground gasping back sobs.

"Kiara," Teyla quickly moved to comfort her not surprised when she jerked away.

"I did this," the distraught woman cried hugging her knees to her chest rocking herself back and forth, "I got him killed. I knew that they were after him, I knew…I was meant to be looking out for him…I…I…" she looked up at Teyla who saw the tears streaming along her cheeks, "I can't lose him. I've lost too many people Teyla and I can't lose him too, I don't think I'll survive."

"You are strong," Teyla soothed.

Kiara gave a bitter laugh, "No I'm not. I just have a big mouth. I bluff my way through bad situations and what I can't talk my way out of I try to fight my way out of. McKay is the only one who ever saw through that."

"We will find a way to save him," Teyla told him, "None of us are prepared to lose him."

"You don't understand Teyla," Kiara cried, "No one has ever survived this."

Teyla's brown eyes narrowed, "Then you do not know Rodney McKay as well as you think you do."

x

"Beckett?" Sheppard asked as the doctor came flying out of the infirmary.

"Rodney's gone," Carson reported, "He slipped past the nurses and I don't know how long ago or which way he went."

"Fantastic," Sheppard cried, "Okay, let's think like McKay…lab."

"Are you thinking like a suicidal Rodney though?" Carson asked soberly.

"No dammit," Sheppard snapped, "Okay, any bright ideas?"

"None," Carson admitted, "We can have people check out every part of the city and hope someone finds him."

"He'll be dead before we manage that," Sheppard grimaced.

"Then what?" Carson cried.

Sheppard frowned in brow furrowed in concentration, "Wait, wasn't he part of the team exploring one of the towers?"

Carson stared at him before horror settled over his face, "He's gonna jump. Come on."

Startled at the doctor's sudden flight Sheppard had to run to catch up before having to run even faster as Carson speeded up. On their way they came across Ford who was grabbed and pulled along shouting questions to them.

As they reached the bottom of the tower Sheppard stared up in horror. Standing on the wrong side the balcony railing was Rodney and he was ready to let go.

x

'_You don't deserve to live_,' the voice taunted him, '_Jump. They won't be able to bring you back if you jump_.'

"I don't deserve to live," Rodney murmured to himself, "I don't deserve anything."

His mind was foggy, his head aching as his hands gripped the rails.

'_They just tolerate you_,' the voice continued, '_She just used you until the man she truly loved came back_.'

Rodney felt the wind smack against his face his eyes tearing from that as well as his heartache.

"Kiara," he murmured, "I loved you so much, why wasn't I good enough."

"McKay!!!" Kiara screamed, her voice shrill with terror.

Glancing down he was surprised to see her standing at the bottom of the tower.

"I know you don't love me," he called to her, "I know but I love you, I can't help it."

"I do love you," she yelled up at him, "You have to believe me."

"Don't," Rodney sighed, "Its better this way."

He let go of the railing falling forward as Kiara screamed his name. Rodney felt the wind but jerked as he stopped finding himself hanging in midair.

x

"McKay you have to lose weight," Sheppard muttered as he and Ford held onto Rodney's arms.

"Let me go," Rodney struggled.

"McKay knock it off," Sheppard snapped, "This isn't you. You're an annoying, arrogant, know-it-all pain in my ass but you are not a quitter."

"Sir?" Ford asked.

Sheppard ignored him, "If you truly have one shred of intelligence you will know that you are needed around here. You have friends here if you don't trust anything trust that."

"But…" Rodney looked confused, "I don't deserve to live."

Sheppard heard the uncertainty in Rodney's voice, "Fight it McKay. You're stronger than this thing in your head, you can beat it."

"I don't deserve to live," he repeated.

"Yes you do Rodney," Sheppard told him, "You deserve to live and be happy. Trust me. You have before trust me now."

"I don't…I don't…Trust you…I…" Rodney fought against the taunting voice in his head; his eyes became clearer and he looked up in distress to the two men holding onto him, "John help me."

"Pull," Sheppard ordered, they hauled Rodney up Sheppard moving and wrapping an arm around the other man's torso feeling Rodney's arm grip him around his neck.

They fell back against the wall and Sheppard felt the scientist break down, nodding Ford away the Major held onto the distraught man as they waited for Carson to arrive.

* * *

Carson stood at the door to the infirmary his arms crossed against the group standing there.

"He's resting," Carson told them bluntly, "I'm not letting such disruptive influences," at this he turned to Sheppard and Ford, "In to disturb my patient."

"Then we'll come back later," Sheppard replied in his unflappable calm manner before he motioned the others to move. Before Sheppard left he locked eyes with Carson who nodded that Rodney would be fine in a few days. As the crowd cleared Carson wasn't surprised to find Kiara hanging at the back.

"Can I talk to him?" she asked very softly.

"Not just now," Carson winced at the sadness in her eyes, "Kiara he needs to rest for the next few hours. I'll call you as soon as he's ready for visitors, I promise lass."

Kiara swallowed, "Can I at least just see him, I won't disturb him I just need to make sure he's there."

Unable to refuse the plea from the young woman he relented, "You have five minutes."

Kiara smiled in relief and slipped into the infirmary walking slowly to the bed where Rodney was sleeping. Gently she slipped her hand into his and resting the other on his forehead.

"I'm sorry," Kiara whispered not sure what else to say, "I will understand if you can never forgive me for this. I love you so much. I need you."

Feeling Carson slip up behind her Kiara placed a gentle kiss on Rodney's temple before leaving him to rest.

x

Elizabeth headed towards the infirmary to check on her friend not surprised to find Kiara walking towards her.

"How is he?" Elizabeth asked.

Kiara shrugged, "He asked Carson not to allow me in to see him."

"Really?" surprise filled her voice.

"I don't blame him," Kiara sighed, "I wouldn't be surprised if he never wanted to see me again."

Elizabeth placed her hand on the other woman's shoulder, "Kiara, Rodney loves you deeply. I've never seen him as happy as he is with you. It's just going to take him time to come to terms with what's happened."

"I'll see you later," Kiara murmured as she left.

Elizabeth continued on into the infirmary where she could hear Carson's voice but surprisingly no Rodney who normally would be demanding to be let out.

"Hi guys," she entered the room smiling brightly.

"Morning Dr Weir," Carson greeted her while Rodney simply grunted while giving her a quick glance.

"How are you Rodney?" Elizabeth asked pointedly.

"I'm fine Elizabeth," he replied quietly, none of his usual bite in the remark just a simple statement.

"Dr Beckett?" Elizabeth turned to the Scot.

"He's fine physically," Carson told her, "He needs to rest and spend time with…"

"I'm not good with people," Rodney interrupted.

"I'm not talking about people," Carson told him, "I'm talking about Kiara."

Elizabeth was shocked to see Rodney flinch at her name.

"I just saw her in the halls," she said, "I think she was quite hurt you asked Carson not to let her in."

"This is my decision Elizabeth," Rodney turned on her, "And it is none of your or anybody else's business. Now Carson can I get the hell out of here?"

Carson nodded, "Just make sure you rest and I'll be round to see you later for a quick check-up."

Rodney sighed getting off the bed and leaving them both standing.

x

Rodney staggered to his room relieved he came across nobody else, opening the door he grimaced.

"So," Sheppard said as he sat on Rodney's bed, "How you feeling?"

"Fine," Rodney snapped, "Get out."

Sheppard jumped up, "Sit down before you fall down," he moved the scientist to the bed, "You look like hell McKay."

"Well thank you for that," Rodney sighed leaning back against the pillows, "I'm just a little tired."

"I'm not surprised," the Major pulled over a seat, "You've had a traumatic few days."

"And what is your advice?" Rodney was getting annoyed at everyone telling him what he should be doing and how he should be feeling.

Sheppard shrugged, "I don't have any."

Rodney looked at him surprised.

"What?" Sheppard laughed, "You think I was going to tell you some stupid all you need to do is blah blah blah?"

"Everyone else has," Rodney sighed, "I don't know how I feel so how the hell can anyone else?"

"Beats me," Sheppard told him, "Look, Elizabeth will go on about how you need to take time off and take some time to yadda yadda yadda. I know you need to do this yourself but if you need to talk…"

"Thanks," Rodney told him, "I need to get some sleep."

Sheppard nodded jumping up and heading out, "I'll make sure no-one disturbs you."

x

Rodney heard a soft tap on the door and sighed, "Alright come in."

The door slid open and he swallowed hard to see Kiara standing in the doorway.

"Can I come in?" she asked softly, worry filling her eyes.

"Yeah why not," he sat back against the pillows as she sat down.

Kiara interlaced her fingers nervously, "I'm sorry. I should…I never…" she wiped her hands over her face, "I never wanted this to happen, I didn't…"

"Kiara stop," he looked down, "It wasn't your fault."

"McKay," she whispered.

"Why do you do that?" he demanded.

Confusion filled her eyes, "Do what?"

"Not use my name," he replied.

"I use your name," Kiara retorted, "You're the one that never liked me calling you Rodney because it reminded you too much of Letje."

"This has nothing to do with her," Rodney snapped, "This is about you."

"What about me?" she snapped back, "What do you want me to do?"

"Leave," he sighed.

"Fine," she threw her hands up in annoyance, "I'll come back…"

"No," he cut her off, "I mean leave Atlantis."

Shock covered her face, "You want me to go?"

Rodney nodded, turning his back on her. Hearing her leave he turned back to the door hastily wiping away the tear that escaped.

x

"Kiara, you don't have to leave," Elizabeth told her, they were standing in the control room Kiara carrying her bag.

"Yes I do," Kiara sighed, "Elizabeth I can't stay no matter how much I wish I could."

"Where will you go?" Elizabeth demanded, "You told me you wouldn't be accepted back on your home."

Kiara gave a sad smile, "There are places. You don't have to worry, I'll be fine."

"You'll be missed," Elizabeth told her.

"I'll miss you all too," Kiara's smile grew tighter before she took a deep breath, "I should go, here are the co-ordinates," she quickly tapped them in before nodding to Grodin who activated the Stargate.

As the two women walked downstairs Kiara was relieved that there was no one else there, she'd said her goodbyes privately just before coming to leave and asked that they stay away.

"Elizabeth," Kiara said as they reached the open Gate, "He needs everyone around him; no one has ever survived the 'chip'. We don't know what the after-effects will be."

"Carson is on it," Elizabeth assured her, "Be careful out there."

Kiara nodded, "I promise."

Taking one last look around she was surprised to see Rodney standing just at the door, he stared at her for a few seconds before heading up to the control room and disappearing.

"Goodbye Elizabeth," Kiara said before she stepped through the Stargate.


End file.
